


Of Princess Dresses, Nerf Balls, and Sharing a Bed

by Diary



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Siblings, Awkwardness, Bechdel Test Pass, Bisexual Bruce Banner, Bisexual Male Character, Bottle Episode Fic, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Angst, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Bruce Banner-centric, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Clint Barton & Laura Barton are Siblings, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton's Farm, Deaf Clint Barton, Knitting, Late Night Conversations, Literal Sleeping Together, POV Bisexual Character, POV Bruce Banner, POV Male Character, POV Nonhuman, Past Bruce Banner/Betty Ross - Freeform, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Sharing a Bed, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor, Unrequited Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 12:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13547283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: AU. In which Lila Barton has the whole Avenger's team wrapped around her fingers, Bruce and Tony end up sharing a bed for three nights, and Bruce enjoys watching certain teammates being attacked by nerf balls. Complete.





	Of Princess Dresses, Nerf Balls, and Sharing a Bed

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Avengers.

Tony is smart enough to know him holding Bruce’s flash-drive hostage would be ineffective and sadistic enough to go the effective route of having Clint’s prepubescent niece hold it hostage.

“You’re not sleeping outside in a tent,” Tony quietly informs him.

Nearby, Lila is wearing his flash-drive around her neck and having a serious discussion with Thor on the merits of crayons vs magic markers when decorating old tie-dye shirts, and Cooper is chasing Steve through the house. Their mother also flits in and out, often with heavy-looking objects in her arms, and the guilt of such a sight is familiar: He saw plenty of pregnant women working in fields or walking down long, broken, shade-less roads with their arms full or loads attached to their backs, and he almost always tapered down his instinctive reaction to offer help due to knowing, if he got himself detected, the other guy might appear and cause the woman and anyone she loved to be unintended fatalities.

“If it were anyone but me, would you be so resistant?”

Agents Barton and Romanov come in, and before Tony can answer, the former is asking, “Hey, sweetheart, what’s that around your neck?”

“That’s mine,” he quickly answers. “Tony gave it to her.”

Lila happily nods. “I’m helping with Avenger training and supposed to make sure he doesn’t take it back.”

Giving her a look full of pride, Agent Romanov says, “And you’ve done a great job.”

“Yeah, but training is over for the day,” Agent Barton continues. “Let’s give that back to Dr Banner, sweetie.”

She complies. “Isn’t Mr Stark supposed to be ‘Doctor’, too?”

Tony laughs, and catching the flash-drive, Bruce fears for the Bartons. Once Lila gets a little older, if she turns out to the angsty or simply rebellion-driven type, this combined with her being utterly spoiled by an adoring multi-billionaire rebel is going to be a nightmare for them to try to handle.

Ms Barton comes in. “I’m sorry we don’t have more rooms and beds. Clint and Nat are going to sleep with me, and Captain Rogers has insisted on taking the couch. Mister Thor insists he doesn’t need sleep. Will you two be okay in the guestroom? We have that old air mattress, but-”

Taking her hand, Tony starts to say something, but Bruce heads him off with, “Uh, I plan on camping out in a tent outside. I’m, um, more comfortable doing that when sleeping in unfamiliar places. Would the front or backyard be better?”

She gives him a worried look, and Clint steps over. “If you’re sure, doc, the barn would probably be better, but-”

“He’s not,” Tony says. “I’m all for not arguing in this instance, but if you insist, big guy, we can do it here or take this conversation somewhere a little more private.”

Over on Thor’s shoulder, Lila is watching them with keen eyes.

“Where is this guestroom,” he politely asks.

…

“What happens if someone tries to capture you out there?”

“Hopefully, the two little kids, their pregnant mother, and our teammates don’t become collateral damage to the other guy’s response.”

Tony scoffs. “C’mon, you really think I can’t effortlessly counter that?”

He rubs his eyes. “Tony, this isn’t a fight you want or need to engage in.”

“I disagree. Unless, of course-”

“The other guy seems to like you. He doesn’t care about little kids, pregnant women, or the others.”

“You don’t know that. You refuse to-”

“Stick to one argument for right now,” he advises.

“I cloned the flash-drive and gave it to Cooper to hide.”

He sighs. “Or be Tony Stark. That works, too.”

“I object to the implication…”

Rolling his eyes, he goes to find the Barton adults.

…

His tent disappears. Cooper and Lila both have tents for Girl and Boy Scouts events, but they’re child tents. The Barton adults claim not to have any adult-sized tents.

When Captain Rogers offers his own tent and this results in an almost fight between Iron Man and Captain America, Bruce gives up.

“I want my tent back after we leave. It was a gift.”

“Okay,” Tony easily agrees.

…

During supper, he eats his fill without protest. Ms Barton and the kids aren’t doing without, and he knows Tony is going to generously repay the Barton family later on.

After they get to the guestroom, Tony says, “I can take the airbed.”

He imagines this is Tony’s way of trying to make sure he doesn’t sneak out.

“We should be able to share.”

It’ll be awkward and, on his part, at least, it’s going to be uncomfortable, but he’s shared sleeping space with everything from farm and stray animals to other transient people. Once, in Korea, an innkeeper with identical grandchildren had let him have a room in exchange for fixing the water filtration system, and the two teenyboppers would insist on letting themselves in and curling up in bed with him. His grasp on Korean was shoddy, but even if it were fluent, he has a suspicion they would have continued to ignore his attempts at figuring out why they did this. As it was, their grandfather didn’t care, and since they didn’t treat it as anything potentially sexual, he stayed put until the police came and asked the innkeeper about foreigner renters.

On Tony’s end, aside from the fact he’s living with Pepper Potts, he’s no stranger himself to non-sexually sharing sleeping space.

“If you think you can resist me, big guy,” Tony says. “I know how difficult that might be.”

“I think even the other guy might be wary of Pepper. Don’t worry, the pleasure of sleeping next to you is reserved solely for her. I’m just trying to get through all this alive and without any causalities via him. You want first shower?”

There’s a look he can’t decipher on Tony’s face, but it’s quickly gone. “Nah, you go first.”

…

Going through his bag of clothes, he realises he didn’t pack anything comfortable to sleep in.

Sharing a bed with Tony- fine, he can manage.

Sharing a bed with Tony while wearing nothing but his underwear-

“Hey, Tony, you out there?”

“Still here. Everything okay?”

“Do you have a shirt I could borrow to sleep in?”

…

He tells himself this is fine.

The t-shirt smells vaguely of Tony, and soon, Tony is going to be laying beside him, but this is fine.

Tony comes out in nothing but a pair of pyjama bottoms, and Bruce studies a spidery crack in the ceiling to avoid taking in the dark, water-spiked hair, the goatee sticking oddly in different directions, and the lean, strong body. In the corner of his eyes, the reactor glows steadily, and he understands what makes it waterproof and able to handle soap and the like, but he finds himself wondering if Tony feels anything when water and soap hits it. When Tony’s washing his body and makes contact with it, is there any sensation? Does he deliberately avoid it, or does he simply not notice it? Knowing him, does he delight in any reactions it produces?

He feels Tony’s shift on the other side, and he starts focusing on his mediation.

For all the times his advanced olfactory sense has been a blessing, this isn’t one of them. On the run, he quickly managed to determine whether a smell indicated danger or not, and if it didn’t, both unpleasant smells and too-tempting ones quickly became part of the background.

Now, underneath Clint’s soap and the syrupy kid’s shampoo and conditioner, he can smell Tony. Tony’s natural smell isn’t immediately seductive, it has irregularities and permanent remnants of his long-held bad habits no top-notch medical care can ever fully rid him of, but-

He's made the mistake of getting used to it, and now, he craves it if he goes more than a week or two without it, and in such close proximity, he wants to do very inappropriate things to the man in a committed relationship in order to truly get his fill of it.

“Hey, Bruce.”

Taking in the tone, the reassuring thought _it’ll be fine_ flits through. Tony sounds serious and almost pensive, and this means he's probably not going to get any sleep due to arguing about some scientific theory Tony has decided to make his newest pet project, but them talking science while lying in bed, it won’t even rate on some of the weirder conversations they’ve had and will have over the years.

“Yeah?”

“Pep and I broke up.”

He’s sure he misheard something. “What?”

Tony scoffs, and he knows he didn’t. “There were a lot of reasons for why I let everyone believe otherwise.”

“How did I not know, though?”

Barton and Romanov have been busy focusing on S.H.I.E.L.D. and the latter’s sister and children, Steve doesn’t particularly like Tony and only really has regular contact with Romanov, and Thor is routinely off-planet, but he himself lives in one of Tony’s buildings. They constantly see one another.

Furthermore, they often don’t tell one another about their respective projects, but Tony is constantly telling him about Tony’s personal life, and- did he manage to completely miss such an important confidence?

“I didn’t want anyone, including you, to know just yet. Pepper was worried people might think she’d just been using me to get a company. Plus, this news could hit said company pretty hard. Of course, the first is crap, and I wasn’t ready to hear everyone speculating on what I’d done.”

“Did you do something?”

There’s a slight laugh, and he feels Tony shaking his head. “No. You know, this might be hard to believe, but I’ve never cheated on someone I promised monogamy to.”

“Not really.” He carefully shifts on his side. “I mean, uh, it wouldn’t surprise me if you had, but hearing you haven’t also doesn’t surprise me.”

“Thanks, big guy. Your warm opinion of me means the world.”

Biting back a laugh, he asks, “What did happen?”

Tony sighs. “You know, I was twenty-two when I hired her. She lied, by the way, but I knew. She was seventeen, claiming to be nineteen. Despite early graduation, she hadn’t managed to get a decent scholarship, and she didn’t want to work some dead-end retail job to put herself through college. I thought I’d help the cute girl, maybe have some fun, and that’d be it.”

“But she was so damn good at her job, and she learned the best way to handle me, that before I knew it, I was Iron Man, and out of the few true friends I had or thought I had, she was my ride-or-die. I wanted to be hers. Forever with her seemed so appealing.”

“Did it stop?”

“No,” Tony answers. “It still does. Thing is, though, I look at her, and I see- on the one hand, there’s the gangly, freckle-faced little Miss Potts with disdainful eyes, so full of ambition and drive, ready to call me on my shit but still pick up my dry-cleaning, and then, there’s my best friend, the beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted Pepper who is going to give the world so much when her company fully gets off the ground.”

“We just didn’t work that great romantically. Turns out, as much as she loves me, she wants a different kind of man when it comes to that, and me- I didn’t want a different kind of woman, but I want her to have that man. She deserves him. I just don’t want to be him. Does any of this make sense?”

“Yeah. It does. Still, I’m sorry for the pain you’re feeling.”

There’s silence, and just when he starts to dose off, Tony bumps an arm against him. “I know I messed up. This is down to me. Which is what Cap’s been saying since before it even really started happening, but I just want you to know, I’m taking responsibility.”

“I helped you,” he points out. “As much as he tries to minimise my involvement, and as much as you let him and the others, it’s there.”

“I would have found a way even if you hadn’t.”

“In which case, I sincerely hope my response would be: Tony, remember who you’re talking to. You set out to help people, were convinced you were onto something, and knowing how others might react, kept quiet and took shortcuts. I’m the last person to judge you.”

Tony lets out a small chuckle, and his breath hits Bruce’s face.

He rolls onto his back. “Don’t worry. We’ll stop Ultron, get Jarvis back, handle the Maximoff siblings, maybe not necessarily all in that order, but the point is, we’ll come out on top.”

“But you still judge yourself. You were rightfully against it, but you still decided to trust me. That- I wish I could make you believe this is down to me, not you, big guy. Trusting the wrong person isn’t as bad as what they do. I know that from personal experience.”

“Try to sleep, Tony.”

Tony rolls onto his stomach, and this brings him into closer almost-contact.

He wishes the bed were bigger, and worse, he wishes it were smaller. He knows what Tony feels like pressed against him and wrapped around him, is part of the problem. Tony does both in public, they’ve shared lab space for years, and the few times Tony succeeded in rounding everyone up for a movie night, as if they’re all teenagers rather than fully grown adults, Tony often ended up right in his space, regardless of whether he took a couch, chair, or the floor.

Thankfully, Pepper was usually around, and in public and scientific settings, there’s little room for wanting Tony beyond wanting his opinion or wanting to prove his opinion wrong.

Tony taps fingers against his arm. “I was thinking, when this is over, we should look into the farming industry. I read about how you helped that family in Dubai. If we applied the same principles to the grains here in America…”

They talk until they’re both fighting off sleep, and Tony mumbles, “Don’t freak out if I end up wrapped around you, big guy.”

…

He ends up wrapped around Tony.

He tells himself the day will get better: They’ll establish what to do next, they’ll do it, and soon enough, everything will be back to normal.

And in a way, this is all correct. They do start to tentatively establish plans, but realistically, they’re stuck on the farm for, at least, two more days.

Worse, they all agree to absolutely stay off the internet, there’s no tea, all the scientific books are kid-level, Tony and Steve might literally kill one another soon, and- he’s going to have to share the bed with Tony again. Despite his efforts, he’s probably going to get used to it, and once he can no longer have it, he’s going to crave it, resent not having it, and wish he’d just laid out in the beginning why Tony should give him his tent back.

_Hey, Tony, I’m fine in the lab and out in the field, but being with you in interpersonal settings outside those areas severely sexually frustrates me. And maybe, if we weren’t in such a place, one with kids, their civilian mom, and literally all our teammates, I could do something, but irrational or not, I just can’t jerkoff in the shower with such factors in play. Just give me my tent back, enjoy the guestroom bed, and let’s never speak of this when we finally get back in a lab, okay?_

It’s probably too late, he knows. If he’d said it at the beginning, it’d be one thing, but saying it now, after he’s already slept beside Tony-

He should have insisted on taking the airbed, or better yet, he should have just slept in the barn sans tent.

…

“Hey, Laura, your little one’s putting the doc to work!”

Making sure he doesn’t echo the glare on Lila’s face, he quickly assures Clint, “This is relaxing, and I’m happy to do it.”

“And if Nathaniel wants to wear my princess dress when he’s bigger, I’ll let him,” Lila magnanimously offers. “Boys can wear dresses just like girls can wear Iron Man costumes. Both Auntie Tash and Uncle Tony told me and Coop so.”

He realises, maybe, he should less fear Tony potentially making a teenage Lila a nightmare for her mother to live with and more about Tony just straight up deciding to take Lila with him once everything is settled.

“Really, Agent Barton, it’s fine. I, um, made your soon-to-be newest nephew some baby clothes just to pass the time, but this is presents a greater, more interesting challenge.”

“Could I go to Misgard someday, Uncle Clint?”

“Asgard, sweetie,” Clint corrects. “Uncle Thor’s people call Earth ‘Midgard’.”

Then again, Tony whisking her off to Malibu or New York would be nothing compared to her being taken off-planet.

Ms Barton appears, and tossing Clint the pile of baby clothes to hand to her, he goes back to looking at the measurements Agent Romanov took of Lila.

…

“As afraid of her as you are, you’re also pretty good with little Miss Lila.”

Tony has decided he doesn’t care about such things as utilising the tiny bit of personal space the bed provides. Every time he manages to discreetly initiate non-contact, it isn’t more than five minutes until Tony is pressed right back up against him.

“Yeah, um, I’m usually good with kids. Always have been.”

Despite what Tony might think, it’s part of his fear that’s helped this. No parent is in danger of their kid being spoiled by him, but if sewing up several princess dresses and teaching kids who ask how to rearrange their bookshelf with the Dewey Decimal system will make kids not afraid of and/or disdainful of his presence in their mom’s house, he’s not above using the fact, unlike most adults, kids can be bribed into tolerating his existence.

“If I had cheated on Pepper, what would you have thought?”

Shrugging, he regrets it when this makes the contact with Tony even more obvious. “Provided she broke up with you, I’d agree she made the right choice and that you more than deserved it. Otherwise- Tony, if you’re, uh, looking for me to judge you, there isn’t much you can do to make that happen. Aside from the fact you eat lobster, which, you already know how I feel about.”

Chuckling, Tony puts an arm over Bruce’s chest.

Except that, he silently adds. Please, for the love of God-

Shifting even closer against him, Tony asks, “And what if she’d cheated on me?”

“We both know she never would. That one doesn’t work even as a strictly hypothetical.”

“Fine. Say I was with someone else, who I loved, and they did. How’d you feel?”

“I’d be sorry for your pain. If I found out you had some revenge plan, I’d strongly try to dissuade you.”

“You ever been cheated on, big guy?”

“No.”

In the dark, he can vaguely see Tony raising his head. “That’s definite. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad, good for you, but I would have expected you to go on a spiel about ‘to the best of your knowledge’.”

“Before Betty, I didn’t believe in monogamy. No, that’s not- What I mean is, we both know that humans aren’t a naturally monogamous species, and the centuries long institutions trying to instil it has caused more harm than good. Betty wanted that kind of relationship, and I only wanted her. Everyone before her, I didn’t care if they had sex with other people, and they all agreed we’d have an open relationship.”

“What if she had? Wanted or even had sex with someone else?”

“I wouldn’t have cared in her case, either. I just wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.”

“So, before her, did you ever sleep with someone other than the person you were dating?”

“Once.”

There’s silence, and the thought _if_ _ **he’s**_ _judging me_ is uncomfortably present.

“It wasn’t even sex itself- I was tempted. No, that’s not it either. I wanted someone besides Pepper. Whether I would have any sort of chance or not, I never acted on it. She’s never given any indication of knowing, but- it’s there.”

“Alright, I’m rolling over." He does. “C’mon. You need to try to get over that. Most people in relationships experience that, Tony. What matters is whether they choose to act on it or not.”

“Where you ever tempted with Betty?”

“No, but there’s a possibility, if we’d worked, I might have been at some point. Knowing that acting on it could lose me spending the rest of my life with her would have stopped me from ever acting on it.”

“And what if, despite saying she wanted monogamy, she ended up sleeping with someone else, and by the way, I’m thanking you in advance for not punching me. Pretty sure most guys would.”

“I’d hope she wouldn’t feel guilty. Again, there are some human beings who have instincts towards monogamy, but most people, they either taper down their non-monogamous instincts due to societial conditioning, or they don’t, and society insists on labelling them as the deviants. The answer’s still no, we’re not doing any tests to see if me having sex could be a possibility, but the fact I probably can’t due to the other guy being in play is one of the few things that hasn’t bothered me too much. I resent the fact I don’t really have a choice, but I guess, uh, sex isn’t- it’s not something I’ve ever found myself desperately wanting.”

“That time you did- why? What made you decide to do it?”

He rolls back onto his back. “It wasn’t really serious. I was an undergrad, and a classmate and I would go to a Thai resturant that gave discounts to couples. We usually had some fun in bed afterwards. One day, I was at an off-campus library, and I got into a conversation with a fellow patron. One thing led to another. He was set to leave for Columbia the next week, so, we both knew upfront nothing serious would come out of it.”

“Did you ever tell the person you were dating?”

“It’s not something I hid, but no, it never came up. Tony-” He looks over. “If you want my advice, don’t tell Pepper you found yourself attracted to someone else while you were with her. If you’d done something, that’d be one thing, but uh, I’m not sure how telling her that would do anyone any good.”

“Yeah, I agree. If things had stayed good, I wouldn’t. But- I love her. I genuinely tried to make it work. She tried, and I know she loves me. We were both in good places in our life. So, rational or not, I find myself thinking, if I hadn’t-” Tony trails off.

He feels a pang of sympathy. Twisting back on his side, he squeezes Tony’s arm. “I have some idea. I wish I could do something more, but- Tony, sometimes, no one is at fault, and sometimes, genuine love isn’t enough to overcome issues in a relationship. It sucks, but trying to blame yourself or the other person isn’t going to help.”

“Thanks, Bruce,” Tony softly says before rolling onto his stomach with his head turned the other way.

“No problem.”

…

“Dr Banner, why do you turn into Hulk when you’re angry?”

Looking up from the doll clothes he’s making, he sees Tony is the only other adult around, and Tony’s expression makes it clear he won’t be stepping in.

Repressing a sigh, he puts his glasses on. “Um, well, do you know what makes Captain Rogers different from other people?”

“He’s Captain America, too,” Cooper chimes in.

“Mister Stark’s daddy gave him medicine that made him bigger, stronger, and healthier,” Lila adds with a gesture towards Tony.

“Right. Um, I was, uh, working on a special medicine for soldiers, too. And I did something scientists aren’t supposed to do. We can’t just give people medicine or take it ourselves until a bunch of tests are done and other people all agree that it’s probably safe. But I took it before all that could be done, and instead of doing what I thought it would, it made it where the other guy, the Hulk, comes out when I’m very scared or angry or something bad is trying to hurt me.”

Cooper looks up from his blocks. “Auntie Nat is like you and him.”

“But she doesn’t like to talk about it,” Lila says. “She and Uncle Clint do, sometimes, though. They sign in Russian. I already know sign language, and she’s teaching us Russian, too. Do you know them?”

“I know them, too,” Cooper says.

“I know a little bit of Russian. Nowhere near what your aunt and uncle know.”

Surprised at Tony’s lack of interjection, he looks around to see Tony is nowhere in sight.

“What about Hulk,” Lila asks.

“He doesn’t understand any language.”

“I want to take the medicine and be special, too,” Lila announces, and Cooper nods.

Looking down at them, sadness floods through him, and the thought, _Oh, God, no_ , is almost resounding.

Taking a deep breath, he sets the fabrics aside and goes to sit on the floor with them. They study him with curious but unafraid eyes, and Cooper scoots closer. “Medicine’s supposed to help people, but if a person who doesn’t need it takes it, it can hurt them.”

Lila nods. “And sometimes, bodies just don’t do what doctors think and it has a- a bad reaction. Mommy gave Cooper some medicine when he had a bad cold, and it made him throw up blood. Uncle Clint was in Sri Lanka, and Auntie Nat babysat me, because, I was still a baby, while they were in the hospital.”

He nods. “Well, when it comes to the medicines me, your aunt, and Uncle Rogers took, there are some people who were made to take medicine like it by bad people. Your aunt and uncle would never let anyone get away with trying to do that to you, but when you’re older, you might decide to do it on your own. But you don’t need to in order to be special. You’re both already very special.”

They beam.

“Captain Rogers was fighting a war. He was fighting, because, he wanted to make sure that kids like you would never have to when they grew up. You can ask him this, and he’ll tell you, he wants everyone to be healthy without having to take the same kind of medicine he did. And your aunt, she wants the same things, now. You don’t need to be like any of us to be special. I promise, you can do so many great things without any kind of super-serum.”

This is probably an overreaction, he realises. Most likely, they want superpowers, a common desire in little kids, but-

“Hey, looks like a party,” Tony says. “Am I invited?”

He sits down, and the two immediately begin using him as a jungle gym. Protesting, Tony squirms and swats at them, and for his troubles, he ends up lying on the floor with Cooper sitting on his chest and making shadow puppets over the reator’s light as Lila examines his nails and chatters about painting them to match one of her princess dresses.

Unable to help it, he laughs.

…

After supper, he’s working on his starchart when he hears a throat clearing, and he looks over to find Agent Romanov standing nearby.

“Team meeting or Tony doing something?”

“Neither. Could you and I talk?”

Despite the sudden feeling of dread, he starts moving his papers and the Barton family telescope. “Yeah, sure.”

She sits down. “Lila and Cooper think you’re afraid of them.”

“Oh, yeah. Absolutely terrified. He can tackle Captain America, and I notice Mjölnir has been kept safely away from her. It’s probably best to wait until she’s old enough to drive, at least, before Thor brings Asgard’s new monarch to her subjects.”

She laughs. “I used to be terrified of them, too.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She curls her feet underneath her. “I don’t think you noticed, but when we first met, I had a reaction to that cradle, too.”

“No, uh, I didn’t.”

He wonders if he should excuse himself or try to discreetly get someone else to come extract him. He and Agent Romanov have had a smattering of conversations over the years, and most of them have been civil. She dislikes and fears him, and though he readily acknowledges her skills as an agent, he’s never had a high opinion of her as a person.

This might not exactly be fair, he knows. She’s brave, funny, and he respects her no-nonsense attitude. It’s just- It probably comes down to Tony, he knows, and the really screwed up part is, he’s not even sure how it does.

“I’m slightly younger than what Howard Stark would be if he were still alive, Dr Banner. That’s not being deliberately concealing of my actual age. I don’t know it. I could probably find out, but I never have.”

He takes this in. Finally, he asks, “What’s this conversation about, Agent Romanov?”

“Part of what the Red Room did was sterilisation. Irreversible. Some women, they never want children. Some of them, they make the choice to cut themselves off from that option, or they’re lucky, and nature has already done it for them with no side-effects to their health. There are times I’ve desperately wanted to be like them. If I didn’t want children, what was done to me-” She scoffs.

“I’m sorry,” he quietly says. “I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, our situations being different in several different ways, but I have some idea. And I’m sorry.”

“It adds to the feeling of being a monster. There’s everything I did, and then- I can’t even do something most normal human beings can.” Letting out a small sigh, she continues, “This conversation is about us being Avengers, Dr Banner. I’m not going to apologise for our first meeting, but I will promise to never try such tactics on you again. And whatever our respective issues with one another are, this is me telling you that, to echo you, I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I have some idea.”

He smiles. “Thank you. Look, uh- I can’t speak for the other guy. We both agree he’s dangerous and unpredictable. But when it comes to me, you can trust me. I helped Tony create Ultron, and that was bad on both of our parts. Uh, him and I, I mean. But now, as much as I’m allowed to, I’m going to help fix it. I’m not going to lie, I’m not going to intentionally mislead or keep anything from the rest of you, and I’m not going to bring up past antagonisms.”

She nods.

Part of him thinks it’s a bad idea, but he feels compelled to add, “And I know that, until you start believing it yourself, no one can convince you, you aren’t a monster. Just know, I don’t see you as one.”

He can vaguely see her shifting. “Dr Banner-”

“Auntie Tash, I know you took my salty bubbles!”

To his surprised delight, Agent Romanov’s response to the scowling little girl is to flip over, and then, somehow get on top of the roof. “You can’t see me!”

Rolling her eyes, Lila marches off the porch, places her hands on her hips, and glares up. “Yes, I can. And,” she digs something out of her pockets, “Mama gave me balls. She said I could keep throwing until you come down.”

“I’m surrounded by traitors.”

“I’m counting to ten,” Lila authoritatively declares. “And if you don’t give them back and come down by then-” She swings her arm warningly.

He tries to figure out the correct way to find out what sort of balls Ms Barton gave her daughter and if she was serious- no matter how good her aim, he knows Lila isn’t going to manage to hurt Agent Romanov, but-

Clint comes out. “Hey, Nat, I’m gonna need you to give this little darling her bath salts back. Coop’s almost done with his bath.”

Tugging on his shirt, Lila inquires, “Fuffy?”

“Yep, your fluffy towel is all washed and hung, sweetheart.”

“Dr Banner is sitting right there. How do you know he didn’t steal it?”

There might be a tiny amount of offence, but when the two look at him, look at each other, and then, go back to looking up at the roof top, he thinks he might genuinely love all three of them.

“Alright. When it’s light out, if you want, I’ll start teaching you how to do this, kiddo, but for now, hand Uncle Clint a nerf ball.”

He enjoys watching Agent Romanov attempting to avoid the balls via somersaults and various other gymnastics around the yard until Tony comes out and pokes at him. “Hey, big guy, I’m ready for bed, and since I can’t trust that you haven’t somehow reclaimed your tent, that means you’re ready for bed, too.”

…

Hopefully, and unfortunately, they’re probably going to leave sometime tomorrow.

“I’m going to miss waking up with your arms around me, big guy,” Tony murmurs in a half-sleepy tone.

“If you’d let me-”

“No.”

After the first night, he’d offered to get some more pillows and make a divider. Tony had firmly refused, and obviously, even half-asleep, his views haven’t changed.

Suddenly, Tony jolts. “Hey. You know, ignoring the fact I think you could safely have sex, there are ways you could still have kids without it. Ways to extract sperm in the most unappealing, clinically non-sexual way imaginable. Adoption.”

Closing his eyes, he tries not to think.

A baby, watching him or her grow, bright eyes, toothy grins, brightly coloured band-aids, mismatched words, listening to serious explanations of imagination-filled tales, teaching a teenage boy how to shave, tie a tie, and change a tire, teaching a girl whatever she wanted to learn from him, helping with homework and witnessing first crushes, trying to help through first heartbreaks, maybe someday holding another baby who reminds him so strongly of when their mom or dad was in the exact same position. It wouldn’t always be wonderful, there’d be fights, things he simply couldn’t understand, times he’d have to put his foot down despite having sympathy for their position, times he was absolutely wrong in how he handled something, disappointment on all sides-

He’d never told her, but he desperately hoped he and Betty would have a boy and girl. They did talk about the idea of having kids, though, and they’d agreed: Absolutely no physical punishments, they’d always show support if their child was gay, somewhere else on the sexuality spectrum, or transgender, and of course, they hoped for a healthy baby, but if they had one with health problems, they’d find a way to do whatever they needed to in order to keep their child happy, safe, and hopefully able to have an independent life when older.

And lying here in bed with Tony Stark, he knows, provided they survive Ultron, he couldn’t with Betty, but he could still have a child. Tony would help him.

“I’d be too afraid to pass on my genes, now. What if- a kid running around with their own green monster who comes out when-” Tony makes a sound, and he continues, “Like it or not, that’s what he’s widely considered to be. I’d never want an innocent kid to have to deal with such a thing. And as for adoption- Again, he’s still around. Besides, Ultron isn’t the first or last major threat the Avengers are going to face. Ship’s sailed, and I’m okay with that.”

Making an unhappy sound, Tony merely says, “Well, you change your mind-”

“Thanks, Tony.”

There’s an almost uncomfortable silence, and finally, he asks, “What about you? You ever think about having kids?”

“I had a vasectomy when I turned eighteen. Certain people protested, but I knew even back then, that, having a kid, would be literally one of the worst things I could ever do. I’m aware there’s a possibility it could fail, and if a paternity test ever reveals I am the father, I’ll, let’s be honest, I’ll throw oodles and gobs of money, but I won’t raise it beyond that. Even if the mom turned out to be unfit, I’d find someone else to give a good home and insist on continuing the money-throwing.”

Chuckling, Tony adds, “That’s one of the ways Pepper and I were good together. She honest-to-God thinks babies are adorable, and as has been demonstrated, I can be great with kids, but she decided when she was very young that being a mother would never be for her, and that’s never changed.”

Even when Tony absolutely doesn’t intend to, he makes it both too easy and so hard to want- not forever, no. Wanting forever with Tony Stark would- A child’s wildest imagination involving unicorns would be more realistic.

…

“Thanks for having us,” Tony tells Ms Barton. “Really appreciate it. Sorry if all the bed rocking me and the big guy here did kept anyone up.”

Rolling his eyes, he kneels down next to Lila and Cooper. “Did Uncle Tony give either of you my flash-drive or anything else again?”

“No,” Lila answers, and Cooper shakes his head.

He hands them both a nerf ball. “Let’s do some Avenger training. First one to hit Uncle Tony in the reactor gets a prize. Just be careful not to hit your mommy, okay?”

“Okay!” They chime.

Then, Cooper says, “You can go first, Lila.”

Standing and moving aside, he says, “Yeah, go on, sweetie.”

“Uncle Tony, look over here,” Lila says.

Tony turns, and the ball sails through the air.


End file.
